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Reduce, Reuse, Reinvent: Free Patents That Will Save Our Galaxy

Hood Ornament

The Story
When I was in college, back in the 1990’s, I used to design and build high end audio speakers. I was going to make some art deco styled speakers and ordered two of the “Flying Goddess Hood Ornaments” from the J.C. Whitney Auto Parts catalog. They come with a light bulb that you insert in the bottom, which makes the amber wings light up at night. I was going to connect the lights to a circuit that would pulse their wings with the audio levels. I never built the speakers but kept the ornaments with me as I moved from city to city. I eventually lost touch with one of the ornaments, and grew fond of the remaining one. About 7 years ago, I started placing/velcro’ing her on the computer monitor of wherever I happened to be working. She would look at me, majestically, overseeing my work, giving up the muse whenever she found it necessary. She gives me Xanadu energy. I can’t imagine my life now without the “Flying Goddess Hood Ornament” watching over me & my Wacom tablet.



The Upgrade
From what I've heard, the muses are a fickle bunch. Wouldn't it be nice to reign them in and put them to work on your own terms? Well, now you can. With a few off-the-shelf components you can harness these inspirational energy forces and use them as you need them. We're talking inspiration on demand. With proper shielding and a recycling system you won't lose one precious drop of inspiration. In fact, there is so little energy loss that you'll likely have enough overflow to share with the your colleagues. A properly outfitted system can easily power a small highly creative office or a large semi-creative office.



Do you have a Beloved Specimen?
Please email a few photos with a brief story about the specimen to beloved@tomgiesler.com. The only criteria: 1) it is smaller than a breadbox, and 2) it is beloved. I'll draw it and also give it an upgrade

Headset Phone System

The Story
This phone was given to me as a gift in 2000. It’s a RadioShack unit with nearly perfect design and function: small footprint, solid construction, simple features and easy-to-punch numbers. After about six years the TALK/HANGUP button started to fail. It got so bad that I had to pound on the button 4-5 times to get the phone to answer or hang up. I bought three replacement phones but ended up returning all of them because they were just awful to use. Out of desperation I tore the phone apart and found two wires that, when touched simultaneously, answered and hung up without fail. I used it this way for over a year but finally went to an electrician who I begged to fix the phone "at any cost". After a few carefully placed drops of solvent and a blast of compressed air around the button, the unit was fixed.



The Upgrade
You've just put your finger, literally, on the astounding world of Biotronics. Every square inch of tissue in your body is cram-packed with highly conductive neuronic, capillary and meridian paths, much like a circuit board. When an electrical impulse is applied, these pathways are transformed into networks of biocircuitry. In your simple phone experiment the function of the phone was bypassed and essentially processed in the biocircuitry of your finger tip. Recent studies have shown that when tissue is supra-electromagnetized the biocircuitry becomes highly organized and stable, allowing for exponentially more complex functions than your finger circuit experiment. And now that the housing of this unit is all but obsolete, the 4 x 5 inch footprint of your phone can be put to better use.



Do you have a Beloved Specimen?
Please email a few photos with a brief story about the specimen to beloved@tomgiesler.com. The only criteria: 1) it is smaller than a breadbox, and 2) it is beloved. I'll draw it and also give it an upgrade

Sandals

The Story
I bought these sandals in 1998, at The Clog Factory, Pioneer Square, Seattle, Washington, and finally in 2004 the buckle strap broke. I love the red, the cut out hearts, the silver tacks and the wood. I've hiked up the Mexican pyramids in these shoes and it felt like I really was walking up into the clouds. The Swedish company that makes them discontinued the style and I haven't been able to find a shoe maker smart enough to fix them--it's only a busted strap!--so I keep them under my desk for inspiration and sometimes wear them when I'm studying for an added boost. I like The Wizard Oz as much as the next person, but I don't have a Dorothy fetish, maybe subconsciously as I do think red shoes are a good thing to have (I have four pairs). However, I wish I could find these sandals in purple.



The Upgrade
I agree with your shoe repairman that the technical hurdles of repairing a shoe strap are daunting, possibly insurmountable. Science can do wonders, not miracles. But it’s sad to hear that such an objet d’inspiré has been sentenced to life in a dark corner of your home. These sandals have served you well for years and that shouldn’t stop now. I have three suggestions for you: Reuse, Recycle, Reincarnate! Reinvent these inspiring sandals and reconsider their function. Surround yourself with them and incorporate them into your daily rituals. Inspiration will surely abound.



Do you have a Beloved Specimen?
Please email a few photos with a brief story about the specimen to beloved@tomgiesler.com. The only criteria: 1) it is smaller than a breadbox, and 2) it is beloved. I'll draw it and also give it an upgrade

Baby Lion

The Story
I purchased Baby Lion for my son Owen on his second birthday. He immediately fell in love with the stuffed animal, which made bedtime and nighttime go more smoothly. There was panic in the house any time Baby Lion couldn’t be found and everything would be turned upside-down in the search. We got so worried about Baby Lion going missing for good or coming apart at the seams that we bought an identical replacement. Same brand and size. We even ran it through the wash to give it a worn look. We needed to use the doppelganger on one occasion to keep Owen from flipping out. It was the same night his new baby brother came home from the hospital. Owen reluctantly accepted the tidy looking imposter but his eyes just didn’t light up. They never do without the original Baby Lion on his pillow at bedtime.



The Upgrade
Short of cloning the little fella, the best way to keep this Lion from disappearing is to make him trackable. I suggest installing Redundant Anachronistic Detection And Recovery (R.A.D.A.R.) systems. The external hardware may not be ideal, but try to keep your priorities in perspective. What’s a good night sleep really worth?



Do you have a Beloved Specimen?
Please email a few photos with a brief story about the specimen to beloved@tomgiesler.com. The only criteria: 1) it is smaller than a breadbox, and 2) it is beloved. I'll draw it and also give it an upgrade

Hand Drill

The Story
I bought this drill in Temperance, Michigan in the early 1960's soon after moving there to begin serving my first church. The drill is perhaps the first hand tool that I ever bought. This drill epitomizes for me your basic guy kind of tool. It's quick and easy to use, and it allows me sensitive control when drilling holes. It's durable. No frills, just solid performance. A few months ago the drill chuck stopped allowing me to loosen and tighten it. I got a lump in my throat over the prospect of having to replace the drill. But the local hardware store got it up and running again. Happy day.



The Upgrade
I’m so glad to hear you’ve been self powering your fix-it projects for so many years. But ugh!, think of how many calories you’re wasted in the process. I feel it’s time to upgrade this elbow-grease burner with a more efficient, albeit more complex and expensive, energy solution. Here are just a few options. Converting these disparate energy sources requires a very complicated converter box. The details would probably bore you so just trust me, it works like a charm.



Do you have a Beloved Specimen?
Please email a few photos with a brief story about the specimen to beloved@tomgiesler.com. The only criteria: 1) it is smaller than a breadbox, and 2) it is beloved. I'll draw it and also give it an upgrade